I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
