I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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