i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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