Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
