I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
