sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
