Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
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At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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