Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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