Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
