It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
