youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
