literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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