I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
