wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
