Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
