thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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