God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
