Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
