So drunk its hurt
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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