Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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