We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
