I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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