fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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