Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
