Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
