Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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