Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize