i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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