If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
