...so i touched it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
