Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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