he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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