i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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