By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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