forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
