life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it's like iHOP with fire
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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