Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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