you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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