Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
