I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
