i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
