You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
