so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
