The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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