You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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