oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
