Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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