Too much gin, very little bucket
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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