I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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