Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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