why didn't you poke me back
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
