one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
