What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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