so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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