I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
