I will die if light touches me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
