I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
