if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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