when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
