Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
