it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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