you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
